Different.

Writing for a purpose can sometimes be the hardest thing; if I’m forced to write, the result would be a fully blank sheet of paper. But if I write just for the sake of holding a pen, I could get like ten billion words out. Is it just me or do other people feel that way?

Also, I feel like my previous blog posts have been the most random things ever and they’re mostly about writing, but eh. That’s what my blog is about after all – it’s what I think and how I feel. It’s a part of me. It even says right there on the top that this blog is a teeny tiny glance into my mind. A mind that never stops learning and exploring, a very very curious mind at that.

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Write.

Sometimes writing can be a struggle. At least that’s what I tell myself when I can’t think of anything, but that is completely false. I mean look at how easily I’m writing right now. It might seem to me like I’ve got nothing to write about, or that my mind is completely empty, but in reality, it’s all just psychological. Once I put my pen down on paper and just start writing, there’s no stopping me. It’s the best feeling honestly, just writing out my thoughts and the first things that come to mind, nonstop.

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Stranger.

Sometimes you feel out of place, like you don’t belong. At home, at school, or wherever it may be. You’re surrounded by people who know you so well, yet they don’t know you at all. Sometimes you can even feel like a stranger in your own home. And even though you have so many friends, you’ll still feel like you have no one. You might feel very afraid, but you feel like you have no one to reach out to. Sometimes you feel like you’re all alone, sometimes you’ll feel sad. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re never good enough, other times you’ll go mad. But all along you know that deep inside, you’re stronger than ever before. So once again you pick yourself up and put on a smile, telling yourself that nothing can bring you down.

Thankfully I have you.


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Blank.

Sometimes I just stare at a blank screen or sheet of paper, wanting nothing more than to write, but the words fail to find their way out of my head. They just linger there, unable to put themselves together to form even the simplest of sentences. Times like these are often very frustrating, and sometimes it gets me mad. My mind feels as blank as the paper I am looking at, yet in reality, it’s the exact opposite of that. There’s nothing I can do really, except to start writing something, anything, in hopes that I no longer have to stare at a sheet that’s so painfully empty. Part of what I write might not make sense, but I believe that the rest of it does. Sometimes I write poems, other times I write what I feel. Most times I just ramble, but what I write is real. I’ll go on and on about stuff that is pointless, things that no one even cares about, but I know that out of billions, there is at least one other person who knows this feeling all too well. I write my last sentence and look once again, this time satisfied as I see the sheet that was once so irritatingly clean, now covered in words.


Just a little something to clear my head.

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Nostalgia

There are certain moments – or people – in your life that just bring you this unexplainable happiness. There are also those songs that you were listening to during said moments, and so every time you hear it again it fills you with pure joy and a whole bunch of other emotions. It’s a lovely feeling, but it’s also quite overwhelming. Why? Well, I can’t really say for everyone, but personally, I think it’s because of the mixture of feelings. I feel this really strong urge to be back in that particular situation, and it just overwhelms me. Like nostalgia maybe. But otherwise, it’s an amazing feeling, looking back. I mean, when you’re in the moment, whether it be with people you love or just you alone, you just enjoy it. You’re not thinking about how you’d feel looking back. Even if it’s me alone, in cute sweats or a onesie (or with pizza and my jakey – or even just binge watching my fave tv series, you know what I mean?) Those are my favorite moments. That’s what I love about making memories, the “remember when…”s. I was actually listening to a couple songs while writing this, it’s why I actually got the motivation I needed to write. The songs that made me think about the memories I’ve made with the people I hold so close to my heart. Thank you to everyone who has helped me create amaaaaaazing memories, I love you guys.

nostalgia

Allie x

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You ❤️

After ages of thinking about words I could use to describe you, I’ve come to think of you as indescribable.

And to say you’ve crossed my mind would be impossible, because let’s just say you never left.

It’s like everything that I’ll ever need, all in one person.

You. ❤️

a.m 

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They don’t know

They don’t know the real me

The one that’s all pretend

The me that might seem happy

But has thoughts running till 2 am

They don’t know

They don’t know I’ve feelings too

I’m only human after all

I make mistakes and have my flaws

They’ve made me build up walls

They don’t know

They don’t know I like being me

All my jokes and smiles and scars

Always trying to change and control

Well guess what? I don’t people-please

They just don’t know

They don’t know how much you mean to me

But all they choose to see

Is the non-existent ‘obsession’ I have for you

And what a bitch that makes me

I fail to see how my happiness has anything to do with them

All I know is that I’m not perfect

And trust me I’m trying my best

They don’t know

Allie M  17/oct/2015

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