Blank.

Sometimes I just stare at a blank screen or sheet of paper, wanting nothing more than to write, but the words fail to find their way out of my head. They just linger there, unable to put themselves together to form even the simplest of sentences. Times like these are often very frustrating, and sometimes it gets me mad. My mind feels as blank as the paper I am looking at, yet in reality, it’s the exact opposite of that. There’s nothing I can do really, except to start writing something, anything, in hopes that I no longer have to stare at a sheet that’s so painfully empty. Part of what I write might not make sense, but I believe that the rest of it does. Sometimes I write poems, other times I write what I feel. Most times I just ramble, but what I write is real. I’ll go on and on about stuff that is pointless, things that no one even cares about, but I know that out of billions, there is at least one other person who knows this feeling all too well. I write my last sentence and look once again, this time satisfied as I see the sheet that was once so irritatingly clean, now covered in words.


Just a little something to clear my head.

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Would you change the past?

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I’m sure everyone has been asked this question at least once if not more, and they’ve all answered it differently. Would you change the past if you could? Well, this is my answer.

Simply, no. If I could change the past, I would not do it. Why? Because even if the slightest thing from my past is altered, my whole life would be laid out completely differently. Like the butterfly effect; small causes can have large effects. I wouldn’t have the same friends, the same thoughts. I wouldn’t be me. Of course, I’ve had horrible things happen in the past, as has everyone else I’m sure. But you see, that’s exactly what shapes us. That’s what makes us who we are today. One can’t always expect everything to be perfect right? Perhaps not. Without the hard times, we would never be able to recognize the blessings we’ve been given, and I think everyone should realize that. If I went back and stopped myself from being bullied, I would never have learned to stand up for myself. If I went back and stopped people from leaving, I would have never learned to be independent and mature. Likewise, if I went back and saved myself from being hurt, or from having scars, I wouldn’t be as strong as I  am now.

As cliché as it sounds, I am a firm believer of the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” Hence, even if I were given the chance to change my past, I wouldn’t take it.

But the again, that’s just my opinion.

Almira x

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April

Hey you guys! It’s been a while, I know. I have been busy recently and I will be for a while, perhaps the next two months, so bear with me if I don’t post often. 

Studies aren’t exactly on my side, and I have just the month of April to change that. Just a fair warning that I’ll be a inactive most of this month and the next because exams, yaay. But on the brighter side of things, I do have (kinda yet not so) big plans for after my exams are over. For the blog of course. Anyways. Here’s a pretty picture (at least to me) cuz whyy nottt.


Laaater x

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Strangers

Hey, you guys. This post was very spontaneous and unplanned, but anyways. This is kinda like a “thank you” post? Well, not exactly but still. There are a few things that need to be said and put out there, so here goes nothing.

First, I want to thank everyone who broke me in the past, because they’ve made be stronger. So shoutout to you guys. Okay, guys honestly, I have so much to say but I really don’t know how to put it into words. I might not even post this but eh.

There have been loaaaaads of people who have come into my life, but only a few have stayed. Those few people mean so much to me, and I love them to pieces. And the rest of them? They’re irrelevant. Sure we had had good times, but that’s where it ends. Those people were toxic, they made me question my own sanity. Also, most of them left in the midst of amazing friendships. I waited so long for answers, but let me tell you a thing. It’s pointless. Don’t waste your time, take my word for it. Don’t go looking for answers, don’t go wishing you could turn back time. It’s malarkey.

But despite all the darkness, if we hadn’t crossed paths, I wouldn’t have grown as a person and I wouldn’t be where I am now. Everything happens for a reason, right? I believe in that so strongly. I’m really happy with how far I’ve come, and I’m so grateful to have amazing people by my side. A piece of advice? Don’t waste your time on stuff that won’t matter as time passes. Instead, take that time that you would waste sulking, and put it into doing you. Look after yourself and your health. Love yourself, and alwaysss put yourself before anything else. Nothing else really matters, trust me.

I would once give everything for those peeps, but now I’m really thankful that they are no longer in my life. We’re better off as strangers. I wish them well.

Almira x

 

Nostalgia

There are certain moments – or people – in your life that just bring you this unexplainable happiness. There are also those songs that you were listening to during said moments, and so every time you hear it again it fills you with pure joy and a whole bunch of other emotions. It’s a lovely feeling, but it’s also quite overwhelming. Why? Well, I can’t really say for everyone, but personally, I think it’s because of the mixture of feelings. I feel this really strong urge to be back in that particular situation, and it just overwhelms me. Like nostalgia maybe. But otherwise, it’s an amazing feeling, looking back. I mean, when you’re in the moment, whether it be with people you love or just you alone, you just enjoy it. You’re not thinking about how you’d feel looking back. Even if it’s me alone, in cute sweats or a onesie (or with pizza and my jakey – or even just binge watching my fave tv series, you know what I mean?) Those are my favorite moments. That’s what I love about making memories, the “remember when…”s. I was actually listening to a couple songs while writing this, it’s why I actually got the motivation I needed to write. The songs that made me think about the memories I’ve made with the people I hold so close to my heart. Thank you to everyone who has helped me create amaaaaaazing memories, I love you guys.

nostalgia

Allie x

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On hiatus

HI, YOU GUYS. Firstly, I want to apologize for not blogging even once since the new year has begun. I thought to let y’all know that my blog will be on hiatus for a while due to school/exams blah blah. I will give you guys an update on my ‘wanderlust series‘, though. Later. And I’ll also try not to take a super long hiatus, I’ll try to find the time here and there.

See you sooooooon

Allie x

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An open letter to my mother

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Because you’re super amazing and I love you, like really.

Dear Mum,

Let me start by telling you that you’re the best mother in the whole world. Ever since I was little, you have been my role model and my mentor, never in my life have I seen someone as strong as you are. Mentally, physically, or emotionally. Honestly, I feel so proud when someone says I’m just like my mother, because there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be like.  I really do appreciate you even though I may not show it very often.

Thank you for always supporting my dreams and decisions, and for staying by my side through everything, whether it be good or bad. Thank you for making me the person I am today, without you I don’t know where I would be. Thank for for all the sacrifices you make to keep us happy, I understand that it isn’t easy. Thank you for working countless hours in a week just to provide for the four of us, we truly are blessed to have a mother like you. Thank you for the laughter and the smiles, all the lessons, and for loving me for who I am. Thank you for knowing when I was wrong and spanking me when I was being a brat. Of course I hated it then, but looking back I’m so grateful that you did.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of hard work, for making me independant, for passing down some of your best qualities. You’ve taught me to always stand up for myself, to never let anyone belittle me. I am a better person beacause of you. There’s nothing that I want more than to make you proud. Thank you for always being super amazing, and for accepting my friends instead of telling me I don’t need friends like someone had said.

I know I haven’t always been the best sport and that I’m not very good at communicating with you – or anyone – properly, I get angry very easily and argue on really silly things, and for that, I’m truly sorry. Sometimes I tend to lose sight of the things that are most important to me. You are so important, so special, you mean everything to me, and I don’t want to take you for granted. I’m sorry for always arguing, for not immediately listening when you ask me to do something, and for alwayss being lazy. Like extra lazy.

Lastly, I promise to try my best to change and to be a better (and more helpful) daughter. I want you to know that I (as well as the other three) will always be here for you no matter what. You need to know that we love you so so soo much, and we always will. You are our best friend, one we can always laugh or cry with, someone we can always count on.

I love you mommy.

Love, your eldest.

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